Dissapointment

A subject that comes into my vocabulary too often, it seems. Usually re guarding myself or my own actions (IE failing last year's courses, failing to apply for classes on time, failure to save up enough for Christmas, failure to clean out the refrigerator... I could go on, but I don't think I could afford antidepressants right now...).
Today though, I don't know where to place the guilt. As I sit in front of my computer screen and look at the long list of spam email my account has accumulated over the last two hours I haven't been on (just long enough to watch a cheesy ABC Family Christmas movie), I don't see anything re guarding a certain cast list.
I auditioned Monday for a show in a local play house. The first thing I've auditioned for since Hobbit at CYT over a year ago. The list was supposed to be sent out today. This can only lead me to one conclusion..... I'm not on said list.
Not a terrible bit of news for some, but for me... Drama is what I do. I'm not smart, not athletic, not very successful in relationships. But, onstage, I'm who I want to be.
This only can make me wonder, where should the failure be placed? On the director for not seeing my raw talent, the nasty taco I ate minutes before auditions which (lets be honest) didn't give me the best feeling in the world, or myself? Maybe I'm not fit for acting. Yeah, I've made cast before... at high school plays where people had to be fair. Maybe its one of my many screw ups -Failure To Pretend-... Two-year-olds can do that!
But then, what does that make me? When the one stock you've put all you money into falls, where do you go?