नot प्रेत्त्य Enough

Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken? Don't I make you laugh?Should I try it harder? Why do you see right through me?
When I first heard this song, it made me think of a girl who is trying her best to get some guy to notice her, but no matter how hard she tries, he still doesn't see her.
But then I watched the video and took the time to actually listen to the verses:
I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break I crave, I love, I've waited long enough I try as hard as I can
I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees I hope, I stand, I take it like a man I try as hard as I can
She's not really talking about love or even a crappy crush. She talking about something more. About being over looked because she is seen a certain way. She's not beautiful or funny. She is too emotional and doesn't try to fit in, so she must not know anything. In this song, Kasey is saying, I live, I wait.... I go through it all just like anyone else... So why am I over looked. Why don't my opinions matter. Why do you see right through me?
Ever felt that way? That no matter what you know or what you've gone through, for some reason, no one is paying attention? Maybe its because you're too young or you don't wear designer clothes. Maybe you're only a girl or you're strong enough. Or maybe its a woman thing that a guy like you could never understand. Perhaps you faith isn't accepted in society.
Everyone's probably had to face it. Being shunned because you don't fit the mold.
But God doesn't want us to sink into the majority. He wants us to stand up for what we believe in. Even if it seems like the whole world is tuning us out. We are to shout louder. If we press forward, we will be heard. Don't conform, stand out. Dance like an idiot. Sing at the top of you lungs. Pray with hope and live by faith. Show the world what it means to live for God. Let them know what they're missing out on. Like Stephen Curtis Chapem said, "la-la-la-la-live out loud."

THink I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset

I've said to many times, "you don't know me... you don't know whats its like. I live a harder life."
But maybe its not the world thats going wrong, maybe its just where I am. Maybe it the view from here that sucks. Perhaps I need to get off my butt and do something about it.
Tomorrow is over, the past is gone and there's no way to take it back. Today is a new day.
Its the day that I'll stop feeling sorry for myself
The day I'll stop letting others run over me
The day I'll stop putting of my quiet time with God only to fall asleep when I finally get around to it
Its the day I'll start working on my homework the day I get it
And the day I'll stop holding in what I feel
I'll won't think of only me when I make my desisions
But I won't ignore my own needs
Today's the day I'll start giving my tithes like I'm supposed to do
and stop doing things for othhers because i want to look good.
The day I start asking God before deciding
and the day i stop rushing to get things done, and start enjoying the simple pleasures God has given me
Its an easy promise to make, not so easy to keep. Promises to myself are by far the toughest to keep. But I have a secret weapon that has yet to fail me.
And I have a feeling he won't let down.

Free expert advice

There's one thing you need to know about me before you go to the movies with me - Once the show's started - I do not take bathroom breaks. I payed too much for that movie to spend 15 minutes of it sitting on the pot. I can do that at home FOR FREE.
Anywho- I won't even take my kids at the Y to the bathroom. They're like "Crys, I need to go" and I'm like "tough luck kid- i'm watching a movie. Naw if they really need to go, I'll get one of the other councelors to take them.
Seriously guys I hate missing parts of a movie. I rather be in pain then not know whats going on. Cause you know you never hear the call at the begining when your going through cheesy intros. Nope its always at the climax.
So for my fellow movie goers, a word of advice on how not to miss the best part because you have to go.

How Not To Miss The Best Part Because You Have To Go
nifty name huh?

1) go before the movie starts~baduh
2) don't drink anything. especially soda~that's just asking for it
3) don't eat popcorn~popcorn has salt, salt makes you thirsty, then you want something to drink, and we go back to #2

that's all my of my brain fart today

I'm not alright

If any of you guys have been around me lately, you'd know that I've been having a pretty tough time. I've lost a few things, like half my wardrobe, my privacy, my job, and the better part of my patience. In exchange, I got an overly tacky interior decorator, a dark cave for a house, and a nagging housemate. But the horror doesn't just start there, my best friend moved away, as did my entire small group, and I've had to quit one of the greatest organizations I've ever been a part of. To top it off, I've been struggling with the death of one of my students, failed all my classes last semester, and been dealing with my shoulder who has decided to be a real pain lately.

Those are just the big parts of the chaos that has engulfed my life. I spent much of my time moping around, wondering why this was happening to me. I did my share of the good deeds, I took the role as small group leader at my church, and volunteered at a Christian theatre. I poured my life into God's work.

Why am I suffering through all this? I need my privacy. I'll die without my own space. I simply can't go on without CYT.

I've been reading different things from the bible lately. Getting bored with one book, so I'd move on to the next and I was about to completely give up on quiet time all together. I was simply getting NOTHING out of what I was reading.

Until today.Deuteronomy 8:3b - Man does live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord

I've read that verse about a million times, but this time, it really reached me. It told me, that I couldn't depend on earthly things, not even good things. That they are only temperary, like bread. but God is eternal.
Thinking back on the weeks of pointless quiet times, I came across a verse that I had written down, but still looked over.

Jeremiah 17:5-7 - Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength and whose heart is turned away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.

It hightlighted the first verse. If we dwell on what we have here on earth, its like we're living in a desert. The pleasures the world gives to us is like a mirage. Nice to look at, but worth nothing, and sometimes damaging. But God is waiting on us to trust in him. The verse goes on to say that he who trusts God is like a tree that is planted by the water.

Jeremiah 17:8b - It does not fear when the heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

It took God completely taking away the earthly things I confided in for me to see that I really didn't need them. All I need is God, thats who I'm supposed toturn to, not the works of man. Who can really trust the imperfect man? But God is perfect. He's never had to say, "whoops, my bad," and he'll never have to.

Then to smooth things over, he gave me yet one more verse.

James 1:2-3 - Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face the trial of many kinds because you know that the testing of faith develops perseverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking any thing.

So yeah, I am hurting. I'm broken, but God wants that. Its like after I had my surgery. I spent half a year with my arm strapped to my belly, then they decided that I needed therapy. I can remember Jason (my therapist) physically pushing my arm over my head, making my do push ups and pull backs, and not letting me ease up on my exercises no matter how much I cried and begged for him to stop. But if he had let me go without causing any pain, my shoulder wouldn't have streched back out and I'd still wouldn't be able to move my arm. It would be useless.

All this reminded me of a Santus Real song I had just heard, "I'm not alright. I'm broken inside. But all I go through leads me closer to you."

Closer to him. Thats exactly where I want to be. So if it takes being broken and torn down to better know God, then bring it on.
~Crys

Oh to being blogging again

Yes it has been a long time, I'm sorry for the inconveinance.... whatever. Anywho, life hit a rough patch, and I found my self kicking to to stay aboard. But I'm back now and better than ever. So, expect some more blogs, people (though I swear no one ever reads 'em), because I have a head full of topics and a newly found life (or lack there of)
~Crys